Yamerarenai
by Ryuuen Chou
Summary: What's Ryuuen to do when Saihitei gets a girlfriend.. and it's KOURIN?? (shounen-ai)


Yamerarenai  
By Ryuuen  
  
Warnings: Definate, DEFINATE shounen-ai, SPOILERS, language, angst, drama, saaaappp.  
  
Disclaimer: I owned some Skittles. But I ate them. I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. And now I don't own Skittles, either. ;_;  
  
A/N: This idea came to me while reading the Tenchi Muyo! song lyrics lying around the house and listening to "Your Hiroshi" on the Tenchi Muyo! tape I have. Very odd. It should turn into a kind of series of song-fics, like to my friend Alex's Song of the Lioness fic-series, "Tirragen and Tortall". Hah hah. Anyway, excuse extreme weirdness- I'm hyper. Here goes!!  
NOTE: Oh yeah, this is reincarnation, but they know they're seishi and all.  
  
YAMERARENAI  
I  
YUME WA DOKO E ITTA  
"WHERE DID THE DREAM GO?"  
  
[It's like somebody launched a missile  
the day that everything ends  
is anxiously being brought about  
what could this feeling be?  
Is it something bad  
or is this normal?  
By myself, I don't understand any of it!  
Somebody explain it to me!]  
  
Kourin gave me an odd look after I finished speaking.  
"You're serious?" She asked. I nodded, allowing a slight smile to drift on to my face as she squealed, "Oh my Gods! That's so cute! My dearest older brother has a CRUSH!"  
I staved her off with a slipper as she tried to hug me. Sisters.  
"I guess if you want to put it that way.. yeah, I do.." I said after a while. Meaning after she calmed down. Again, sisters. Actually, that should be in caps. SISTERS. I knew I was blushing.  
"Aw, it's cute, Ryuu-chan. And look, you're blushing!" She said. See what I mean?  
Actually, she's not so bad. I suppose I would mind it more if I didn't remember the past. If I didn't remember how it felt to hold her limp, lifeless body in my hands, to... no, no, stop it Ryuuen, that isn't going to help you any. So stop it. NOW.  
"Ryuuen?" Kourin asked. I could see that she was getting concerned. She says it's because I look so sad sometimes. I guess it's because I think about the past so much. I really miss it. I mean, even if we are together in this life, it's just not the same. We don't have the same togetherness we had then. I mean, Genrou's got his little "gang" as he calls it, and even though he hangs out with me every once in a while, we're not as close as we were. Houjun has a job and I hardly ever see him, although he's been known to call on those lonely, dateless Friday nights when I'm all alone and Kourin is out with some boy-toy or other (my sister is SO weird). Doukun is (obviously) in school, and he usually forgets to call because he studies so much. Juan also has a job (he's a doctor), and he doesn't get off until late (did I mean late? I meant midnight. Something like that. I swear to Suzaku that man is nocturnal). Taka tries, I mean he really does. It's hard for him, I guess, to balance school, Miaka, and us. I usually just let it go. I mean, he's not giving me the cold shoulder, so what do I have to complain about? And Saihitei... well, he's Saihitei, that's for sure. Man, if there was ever a time that I wish I had been reincarnated female.. it was whenever he was in the immediate vicinity. Hell, whenever he's in the ROOM, for Suzaku's sake. If you're wondering, he's the "crush" that Kourin was cooing about.  
Yeah, we're normal, right?  
Whatever THAT is.  
  
[And then once again  
that person I loved so much  
went somewhere far away!  
Without anyone even noticing.  
Where has the dream gone since then?  
I'm sure if must have been  
in this place for a very long time.]  
  
I don't really know how I made friends with Saihitei so easily. Maybe it was our past bond (both being the lonely palace-bound almost-royalty {and in his case, real royalty} who were shunned by the people they loved {that sounded corny, didn't it? I can't help it if I love him!}). Or maybe it was something else entirely.  
Anyway, I also introduced him to Kourin. I knew. I knew it wasn't a good idea.. I just knew it. Somehow.  
We all three would hang out at the mall, or the theater, or somewhere. It didn't matter. We became really good friends, even though my love for him never diminished. I just prayed that he might notice me.  
Maybe.  
Or maybe not.  
I guess we'll see.  
  
[Even though the love was like  
an all-consuming flame  
the feelings I had at that time  
bring them back again!  
The times with you were so nice  
dreams were overflowing  
painful and hurtful  
a different tomorrow is here.]  
  
Looking back, I realize that maybe I should have noticed the way they talked to each other. The way they smiled when they joked.  
The way that, deep down, I felt left out. As any good third wheel in a relationship should.  
I mean, it got suffocating. Those two, together, and then me. They tried to include me. Tried to make me feel at ease, but it didn't work. I was balancing on a tight-rope thirty feet in the air and I just happened to fall.  
I guess I knew that something was happening. I didn't know what, though. I just wanted it to be like it used to be.  
And then one day, I just up and said, "you know, if you guys don't want me here, then you could have told me. I'm sick of being the odd man out. I'm sick of being the only one never thought of. And I'm leaving."  
And I left.  
  
[Just shouting, doesn't change  
anything in the world at large  
after tomorrow, everyday tedium  
will surely continue.  
More importantly...  
even though "love" couldn't be said  
why does that love, even now  
still warm my heart?]  
  
I ran, I ran far, leaving behind Saihitei and Kourin. I didn't look back.  
How it burned in me. How could he turn away from me in two different lives? How could he make me so utterly miserable?  
I collapsed against the trunk of a willow tree in the small park near the mall, sobs wracking my body until I could sob no longer, tears cascading down my face until I could cry no longer. My body ached with the injustice of it, and I felt utterly, completely spent.  
I knew, then. They were going out, dating. I knew it without knowing it, really.  
But the really, really sad part is that, despite all of that, I still loved Saihitei...  
my Hotohori.  
  
[An endless dream  
I want to try to get back  
a drean that I believed was something  
that would someday come true.  
Everyone has enduring strength  
I want to remember that again!]  
  
I heard his footsteps long before he approached me. I felt him sit down beside me, felt his eyes on me.  
"Ryuuen... what happened?" Genrou asked, concern lacing his tone. He was angry, too. I could tell. I felt momentarily a little better knowing that I had such a great friend. He always wanted to kill anyone who made me cry (although sometimes this wasn't such a comforting thought. Especially now).  
"Kourin and Sai are dating," I said, my voice so choked with random emotions that I hardly recognized it myself. Genrou put his arm around my shoulder with one arm and used his free hand to wipe away my tears. I looked up and saw genuine sorrow in those murky-green eyes. I blinked.  
"It's hard to have someone you love not love you back in both lives, isn't it?" He asked, but it wasn't really a question (more of a statement, really, but there you are..).  
"You had a love in both lives?" I asked in surprise, wiping at my eyes with one hand. He looked at me and again I could see that sadness.  
"Yeah," He said. I blinked again.  
"Who?"  
He paused for a long moment before answering.  
"You."  
  
[Where has the dream gone since then?  
I'm sure it must have been  
in this place for a very long time.  
Even though the love was like  
an all-consuming flame  
the feelings I had at that time  
bring them back again!]  
  
*OWARI*  
  
A/N: Plot twist! Plot twist!  
*looks around, confused* Dude, did I write that? I sure as heck didn't plan it to come out that way! I wasn't even gonna have Genrou ENTER, let alone say those things!! Great Suzaku, my stories really DO write themselves, don't they?? Weird...  
Oh yeah, please leave a review and I'll love you forever, okay? I need the support. *sniffle*  
  
  
YAMERARENAI AKUGI 1  
  
Ryuuen: Who?  
  
Genrou: Tama-neko.  
  
Ryuuen: O_O  
  
  
YAMERARENAI AKUGI 2  
  
Ryuuen: *narrating* But the really, really sad part of it all is that... I left my jacket at the mall with Sai and Kourin. My coat!! *sobs*  
  
Genrou: *patpat*  
  
  
YAMERARENAI AKUGI 3  
  
Ryuuen: *narrating* Man, if there was ever a time when I wish I was reincarnated female... wait, I was!! *psycho grin*  
  
Ryuuen (the authoress): Ryuuen... script..  
  
Saihitei: --;;;;  
  
  
YAMERARENAI AKUGI 4  
  
Ryuuen: Kourin and Sai are dating..  
  
Genrou: Really? I thought Cye was from Ronin Warriors.  
  
Ryuuen: Wrong Sai! S-A-I, not C-Y-E!  
  
Genrou: Oops.  
  
Jeff Davis: *walks on stage, looking confused* Excuse me, but this doesn't look like the Whose Line set...  
  
Ryuuen: Sorry, this is the Fushigi Yuugi set. You might want to try next door.  
  
Jeff Davis: Oh, okay. Sorry. *leaves*  
  
Ryuuen (the authoress): I gotta do something about these random WhoseLine people that keep popping up on set..  
  
Saihitei: *sweatdrop*  
  
  
A/N: Well, that's it!  
Oh yeah, Jeff Davis appears for the sake of Princess Moonray, who knows where I live and may kill me if I don't include him. ^^;;;; 


End file.
